The Shallow End of the Dating Pool…Part 2

*Clears Throat*…I’ve been ghosted.

Mr. Philadelphia

I liked him. He seemed to be a pretty standup guy. He lived just outside Philly, so when we met up, we decided to meet in Delaware, a midpoint (about 45 minutes from me). It was a nice mid-afternoon date. We had a great conversation, and there seemed to be a connection. We talked on the way home and confirmed when we'd meet again. It was about two weeks out. We spoke every day, all day, leading up to the day of the date. He’d planned the time, place, date, etc. I love it when a man takes the initiative, so I was totally into it.

On the day of, I called him to confirm the final details, and wouldn’t you know…he ghosted me. I pick up on hints. Once I contact you, and you don’t hit me back… I know the deal. I’m not reaching out again, and that’s that. I liked the dude, but we’d only talked for a month.  I’m never going to chase anyone. This was in April 2023. In June, wouldn’t you know… here he comes. I shouldn’t have responded, but I did because I wanted to know what happened. He told me that he was depressed and going through some things at the time, which could have been true.

If you are a fan of the TV series “Insecure,” think of Issa and Nathan. Remember how he ghosted her and came back talking about his mental health? I’m an advocate for taking care of your mental health, but I’m also an advocate for communication. So even if he was having a mental health situation (it could have been another chick, for all I know), communicate. I would have respected that. Let me know what’s going on. “I’m going through some things and not ready to date,” or “ Hey, I reconnected with my ex.” SOMETHING. Ghosting me is a shore-fide way for me to never talk to you again. I realized, though, that some people can't effectively communicate. I respect your space and pace, but that doesn’t mean I will be around when you try to spin the block.

Mr. Cook/Musician

He was FINE, ok! He was a musician at a church and also a chef at a club. I've heard that both professions have reputations. It’s not my place to judge, and I've never dated either. I also know musicians who have loving relationships and families.

He wanted to move too fast, which made me pause. I feel like things should be organic and flow. He wanted to talk and Facetime all day. I have a job! He was talking about marriage after two weeks. We went out once, and he was just too close and pushy for a first encounter, and I felt uncomfortable.

Another thing that made me pause was that he had four kids but never seemed to communicate with them. When I asked what the deal was, there was always an issue or an excuse. Someone else was always to blame. The youngest child was 12. He could communicate with all of them, but it seemed he wouldn’t. I can’t respect someone who doesn’t care for their children.

I knew things wouldn’t work, and I communicated that to him. We were in different places and wanted different things. He kept trying to convince me that we were good for each other, which was weird because our values didn’t align. I wished him well and broke it off with him. He kept calling; I had to block him. He found my TikTok and asked to marry me under one of my posts. He also still randomly calls/ texts me using Google numbers. I never reply. I haven’t communicated with him since April last year, but he’s still trying to contact me.

Mr. Situationship

I met him at a party last summer. He told me he was in a “situation” when we spoke. He still lives with his kid's mom, but they aren't together. That could be true, but I will always measure by your actions, not what you tell me. Say you are still living together. What's the next move? Are you leaving? Is she leaving? The answer was, “We're still here because of the kids.”.. Nah, I'm good, Patna. I've been on the other side, and it's not a good feeling. I quickly removed myself.

Mr.55

He was fun! We would hang out and have a great time together. He had retired from the military and the Motor Vehicle Administration. Eventually, he told me I was spending too much of his retirement money….. lol. This was two weeks In. He’d tell me how women he's dated would spend lots of money on him. Well, that’s nice and all, and I get reciprocation, but telling me that was a turn-off.

We were supposed to go out one day, but he kept pushing the time back. Eventually, it’s about 11 p.m. when we were initially supposed to go out at 5 p.m. My time is valuable, and at this point, we both know what you’re thinking about at 11p. BYE SIR. I was not born yesterday. At this point in my dating journey, I didn't want anything serious; honestly, dating was becoming annoying, so I wasn't pressed. We ended up just going our separate ways. No hard feelings or animosity. He texted me a few weeks ago to see how I was doing. He's doing well.

I think it's important to be honest with people from the beginning. That way, you can decide to move forward in whatever capacity you both choose. It's always more complex when you develop feelings and then find out something hurtful in the end.

I can admit I'm a bit closed off. I don’t allow people to get too close because I like to shield myself from disappointment. If I don’t expect much, I won’t be disappointed. I don't know if that's the right way to go about things, but that's where I am. I've said before that humans are just humans. Most of the time, people aren't intentionally trying to hurt you, but you can still be a casualty.

Am I the only one out here struggling In these dating streets? Maybe it's me. 😩🤔

LLL❤️