The Shallow End of the Dating Pool

Most people take the time to heal and reflect on things when they leave a relationship. Not me, chile! I jumped back into the dating scene, and it has been an adventure. I hadn’t been single in 10 years and was curious to see what and who was outside. I’d heard people say the dating pool is a mess, but I had to see for myself. Initially, I sought what I was missing from my previous relationship. Eventually, It just became annoying. 😩

I started with online dating. Bumble, Hinge, and even FB Dating. It was fun for a while, but I think online dating can take away from meeting someone and just taking time to get to know that one person. I met people out and about as well. Some were nice, some not so much. I have certainly learned what I do not want. I've also found that some people are ok with the bare minimum, and that’s just not me. Also, to be honest… I will be 39 in June, and I don’t have much patience for foolishness, especially after my experiences.

We’re all doing our best; my best might not align with someone else’s. I’m far from perfect. I also understand that some people don’t have the means or the capacity to meet me where I am, which is ok.

In hindsight, I should have taken the time to reflect and learn myself again. I’m doing that now, and it’s been very therapeutic and peaceful.

Here are a few of my experiences. I can laugh at most of them because I'm honestly perplexed by people. 😂

Mr. She Trapped Me

He was a bit younger than I, but I figured…what the heck, let’s see. In the first 5 minutes of our conversation, he told me he had a 3-year-old daughter, and her mother trapped him. She was older and wanted a child. They had consensual, unprotected sex, and well… a baby was conceived. He tells me he was not ready to be a dad, but they tried to make it work. She proposed to him in the parking lot of a Chick-fil-A; he said no, and they broke up. She’s now not allowing him to see his child. He’s going through a custody battle and looking for someone to stick beside him. Not once did he ask me anything about myself. That was the first and last conversation.

Mr. Remy Martin

On our date, he showed up tipsy, which was concerning. He told me he’d just exited a 7-year relationship three weeks before meeting me. He was obviously still hurting and maybe looking for a rebound. The conversation centered around their relationship. He also told me that he started drinking when he was nine years old, and Remy Martin has been his escape. We talked about therapy and different experiences. I’m working on myself, and it’s clear he also needed to heal. He was friendly, but the connection wasn’t there, and I knew we weren’t a good match.

Mr. Chicken Wings

I’ve known him for a very long time. We hadn’t dated as adults, so we decided to try it. We dated for about four months. Throughout this time, there was tons of drama with his child’s mother. He would vent to me about it & I tried to be supportive, but it was always something. It became consuming, and it was clear to me that I needed to take a step back. Ultimately, we were going in two directions and I needed to figure out my stuff. The final time we spoke, he sent me a picture of the food he was making. It was about 15 wings. We joked a lot, so I said, “Are you feeding the neighborhood?” This triggered him, and he went off on me. I was confused, but honestly, it was not enough to try to understand why, so that was that. My patience is short.

Mr. 49

This gentleman was 49 years old. He was a plumber and aspired to be an erotica book author. Maybe he was trying to fulfill a fantasy at his job. I have no idea. He’d lived with his mother for two years and used his son’s car when he could. It was giving, “let me lay up at your house and watch Maury while you go to work”. I wish him well, but NOPE!

A few things I’ve come to realize through this journey.

1.) prefer not to date men with children under ten years old. From what I've seen, things still need to be worked out. IDK 🤷🏾‍♀️!

2.) I do not date anyone who’s in a “situationship” or an “Open Marriage.” 👰🏾‍♀️🤵🏾‍♂️

5.) NEVER call women “Big Money”…It’s cringy. “Grand Rising” is also cringy.🙄

6.) Please don’t “WYD” us all day. Let’s have a conversation.🫠

7.) My patience is short. 🫡

8.) I’m not compromising my values or settling.✅

9.) I may just be a rich auntie. 😩

10.) People will only do to you what you allow. 👍🏾

11.) At the end of the day, the day gotta end, and mine will end with peace. ✌🏾

12.) I got an Icebox where my heart used to be. 🥶

13.) If they want to, they will. If they wanted to, they would have. 💀

I have many more stories and things I’ve learned. I’m still exploring, learning, and healing. Maybe I’ll make this a series 🤔.

How have your dating experiences been?